One Step Forward

I search for a reason to smile A reason to live and fly A reason to survive But the search continues for miles and miles My heart screeches once again in the darkness of life Is this an everlasting pain? Will I ever get over this plight? I wonder if I'm ever heard by HIM Lying torn apart by the dreadful nightmare Never could I realize my sin Never could I resist the flare Then I see the missing part The reason for life's broken cart The reason for my helplessness To myself my heart confesses I never had a faith in my belief I never gave a thought to give Today my heart feels a relief When I realize..I have every reason to live.. (A very old poem..from 2002/2003)

I was flying to Delhi once, in 2008, I think. During the emigration checking, the security person said “Madam, bag kholiye zara” (Open you bag). I opened my bag. All was well, except for some medicine that I had that he was suspicious about. After convincing himself it was not some sort of addictive drug, he asked for my passport. And when he looked at it, he said, “Oho, didi ta Nepali po hunu hundo rahecha. Dekhdaina hai didi”. (Ohh, sister you are a Nepali, you don’t look like it!). I said... “Yeah, I know”. During the Delhi immigration checking, the guy stared at my passport for a while, looked at me, looked back at the passport, again , as expected, gazed at me and said, “ohh, to aap Nepal se hi hain? Lagti nahi hai bilkul bhi, kya bas Nepali passport hai, ya udhar hi settled hain” (Ohh, so are you really from Nepal? You don’t look like it. Do you just have a Nepali passport or you have always lived there?) All I said was, “Yeah, I know, I am settled there”. Now these incidents are...

kasto impatience ho yo... blog ma euta poora sentence lekhne ni patience chaina favourite novel ko euta page padhne patience chaina patience chaina aaja bholi khana enjoy garera khane, walk ma jaane tracy chapman ko man pardo ganna sunne samma pani patience chaina bihana bhaye raati parkhine, raati bhaye bihani parkhine time bitdai cha bhanera ho ki, time nai bitena bhanera ho, impatience cha.. kasto impatience ho yo..kasto restlessness..

4 years ago, a friend of mine asked me , "Where do you want to be 10 years from now?" My answer was, "in a cold cold place". Well, I had meant it literally. I was in Allahabad (India) then. It must have been very very hot that day, usual for Allahabad during summers. And hence, at that time I wanted nothing, but to be in a cold place, be it anywhere! And today I am in a cold place, again, literally. And this cold place saw its first snowfall of the year, on Thanksgiving. It really is a perfect combination, for me, at least. It was sort of a reminder saying "Here...this is what you had wished for. And today, don't forget to be thankful for having what you had wished for." It surprises me sometimes how we forget to be thankful for all the things that we have, the same things that we had once wished for. We get used to the good things. We get used to bad things as well. But we never really forget to complain. When we get used to good things, we gener...

The more you dislike failure, the more you tend to fail because that's when you stop trying to succeed

Soul O' Soul Wanders all along Finds rest a burden Sings today, the old song Soul O' Soul Wanders all along Lives in yesterday And dreams of tomorrow Feels the healed pain Won't let go of sorrow Soul O' Soul Wanders all along So ignorant it is Misses the sunshine today the sound of music, and the joy it could bring Stay a while, soul O' soul Live a little while, before wandering along

7:30 am: "It's already 7:30!! Ohh..office again...another boring day..It's so difficult to wake up..Life's so difficult..Lemme sleep for another 5 minutes". 8:30 am: At office.. 8:30-5-30: Pretending to work.. 5:30: "Yay...It's Friday". Walk from office to home: 20 minutes :Mumbling songs, thinking how good this day is, making plans for the evening, I was coming back from the office. Just when I crossed the railway crossing, I saw an old man in a bike for disabled people. He had a dog, Jake. The first thing that came to my mind was I need to cross the road to go ahead, as there is a dog and the footpath is too narrow for me to go ahead without fearing the dog (Stupid!! I know). I thought the old man had just stopped for some reason. Didn't really bother to think more than that. I crossed the road. And moved ahead. Just out of curiosity, I looked back. I saw the old man looking at me, with an expression I can't define in words. It was a mixtur...