Why Meditation Did Not Work For Me Before, and Why it works now


2022 has been a year of self discovery for me. Some of the situations led me to introspect more about what I feel, how I react and what those reactions do to my mind and body. I read many books, spoke to many advisors, listened to a lot of motivational videos regarding tips and tricks to manage emotions. 

Inevitably, Mediation, as a technique to manage emotions was always on the list. As meditation is one of the main techniques, I tried it out a few times and found it was incredibly difficult for me sit still and focus on my breathing. I used to try for 5 minutes and give up. Then next day, I would not try as the earlier day I had given up.

But I what I continued to do is listen to ideas, read and talk to people. One fine day, I decided to give myself more time, a month, to fail at meditation. I decided it was ok that I felt like a utter failure n Day 1, Day 2 and even on Day 30.

Something magical happened after this. The moment I allowed myself to fail, I started noticing that I was able to focus more on the task. Once I was ok with the idea of failure, I was ok to continue and just enjoy and grow in the process. I started noticing that I was focusing more on my breathing and it was helping me to calm down. The changes were so subtle that I hardly noticed, but it was soothing and calming nonetheless.

I haven't reached Day 30 yet, but I already feel meditation is helping me to manage my emotions. 

Please share how meditation journey has looked like for you - I am looking forward to your comments.






Comments

Riwaj said…
Been practicing meditation for a couple of years. I recently went to a 10-day Vipassana retreat in KTM. Recently I learnt that the most important is to built equanimity (Samata) towards practice.
October 15, 2022 at 4:04 AM
Unknown said…
Great!! r u still in Austin?
November 3, 2022 at 7:30 PM
Pooja... said…
Completely missed this comment, I am not in Austin anymore, moved to UAE a few years ago!
June 26, 2024 at 9:44 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nepali.. Not Nepali??

I was flying to Delhi once, in 2008, I think. During the emigration checking, the security person said “Madam, bag kholiye zara” (Open you bag). I opened my bag. All was well, except for some medicine that I had that he was suspicious about. After convincing himself it was not some sort of addictive drug, he asked for my passport. And when he looked at it, he said, “Oho, didi ta Nepali po hunu hundo rahecha. Dekhdaina hai didi”. (Ohh, sister you are a Nepali, you don’t look like it!). I said... “Yeah, I know”. During the Delhi immigration checking, the guy stared at my passport for a while, looked at me, looked back at the passport, again , as expected, gazed at me and said, “ohh, to aap Nepal se hi hain? Lagti nahi hai bilkul bhi, kya bas Nepali passport hai, ya udhar hi settled hain” (Ohh, so are you really from Nepal? You don’t look like it. Do you just have a Nepali passport or you have always lived there?) All I said was, “Yeah, I know, I am settled there”. Now these incidents are
Read more

Thanksgiving - 2010

4 years ago, a friend of mine asked me , "Where do you want to be 10 years from now?" My answer was, "in a cold cold place". Well, I had meant it literally. I was in Allahabad (India) then. It must have been very very hot that day, usual for Allahabad during summers. And hence, at that time I wanted nothing, but to be in a cold place, be it anywhere! And today I am in a cold place, again, literally. And this cold place saw its first snowfall of the year, on Thanksgiving. It really is a perfect combination, for me, at least. It was sort of a reminder saying "Here...this is what you had wished for. And today, don't forget to be thankful for having what you had wished for." It surprises me sometimes how we forget to be thankful for all the things that we have, the same things that we had once wished for. We get used to the good things. We get used to bad things as well. But we never really forget to complain. When we get used to good things, we gener
Read more

Today..

7:30 am: "It's already 7:30!! Ohh..office again...another boring day..It's so difficult to wake up..Life's so difficult..Lemme sleep for another 5 minutes". 8:30 am: At office.. 8:30-5-30: Pretending to work.. 5:30: "Yay...It's Friday". Walk from office to home: 20 minutes :Mumbling songs, thinking how good this day is, making plans for the evening, I was coming back from the office. Just when I crossed the railway crossing, I saw an old man in a bike for disabled people. He had a dog, Jake. The first thing that came to my mind was I need to cross the road to go ahead, as there is a dog and the footpath is too narrow for me to go ahead without fearing the dog (Stupid!! I know). I thought the old man had just stopped for some reason. Didn't really bother to think more than that. I crossed the road. And moved ahead. Just out of curiosity, I looked back. I saw the old man looking at me, with an expression I can't define in words. It was a mixtur
Read more