Wait.. Hold on..

She doesn't know where she lost the things that she had decided to hold on to as a... (whoever she was 6-7 years back).
Where is that letter from her friend contemplating life at an age of 15. It's a perspective she would like to remind herself of again.
Where is the 2 paged essay that she had written during an English assignment about her Chemistry teacher , who'd inspired her a lot, with every word of hers. "To Maa'm, with Love".
Where are the journals full of every little incident, comments , compliments, humiliation and feeling of love/hatred or indifference for all that she had known. Full of life.
Where is the 1st sketch that she made of a poster that she had in her room. She was thrilled it actually looked like the original poster, or so she thought. She's lost the thrill.
She is trying to find the ability to categorize things as wrong or right, not necessarily related to someone else, but herself. When and where did she lose the ability to judge.
Why do all colors look gray. Why isn't black black and white white anymore. Why has diplomacy taken over her honesty and clarity.
The excitement in the wait of a yearly festival, to meet all those you loved, to get a new dress, to play in the swings with her cousins, to celebrate life every now and then.
Why doesn't the yearly festival bring the same kind of excitement. Is it her or everyone else has moved on, and she's left there alone.
Why has she given up on being unselfish, loving, giving, helpful, and even when she is all these things, why is there a guilt of these being not true.
How is it that she had a clear view earlier and now everything is hazy.
She's trying to hold on now. As all of us need to hold on to something or the other, which brings us happiness. We never feel the need of what we already have and we let go of it. We always want something else. Letting go of everything we have, looking for something else, leaves us with nothing. So, stop for a second, wait..right there..and Hold on.

Recent Outbursts - Wounding the wounds even more..

Before you start reading, I would like to mention that I am not trying to put anybody’s morale down or send negative vibes out there against all those who feel change is possible. I am just one of you who wants it as badly.

I started my morning with a cup of steaming hot coffee, completely refreshing my mind, and to add to that, I opened Nepal News to find out what’s going on there. I must say, Nepal News is more striking that any coffee in this world, especially to whoever concerned. I was aware about the protests being held by the Newar ethnic group in Kathmandu demanding to make it an autonomous region. Being so far from home, these strikes “bandhs” hardly make a difference to any of us. It’s only a matter of glancing through the NEWS and then forgetting all about it. All this on a normal day, I would say. But today was different. My parents were to go to the US Visa Consulate to attend the scheduled visa interview. I wasn’t worried about it because in Kathmandu, people manage to get things done even during the “bandhs”. Not left with any other choice, they have inculcated within themselves ways of surviving these bandhs , otherwise their mobility would be highly restrained.

But contrary to my expectations, I receive a call from my parents saying that the interview, which had been scheduled for 8:00 a.m, for which they had been sipping tea since 4:30 am in the morning, left home at 5:00 a.m, making their journey and hiding through small “gallis” on the way to the Consulate, intimidated that some protestors might get hold of them and not let them reach the Consulate on time, and for which they queued since 6:00 am till 7 just to find out that the Counseller wasn’t able to make it, had been cancelled. No one is surprised at this. It’s not safe and we wouldn’t expect them to risk their lives ( or valuable time) or make effort to show up. But there are a few things we would expect. And I don’t think I need to state it to you. Well, everyone who had been waiting must have returned home just the way they had made it there.

So much for what happened to my parents and all those people who suffered the pain of going, waiting and coming back disappointed. Not only because of the postponing of the interview, but because the ability to hope for better had taken a long stride backwards in people’s minds.

Let’s get back to what the Newar community wants. We have not had enough of the Madhesi Janaadhikar movement for the rights for Madhesis in Nepal yet and here comes rights for Newars in and around Kathmandu. The recent outburst is demanding for the following changes: (Sources—MEDIA)

• Make Kathmandu an autonomous state comprising 12 districts including Kathmandu Valley and annulment of Kathmandu Valley Urban Development Bill.
• Halt of construction of an outer ring road here as it would reduce fertile land,
• Not include the valley under Central government territory.
• Stopping uncontrolled migration of people to the region in order to protect environment, natural resources and maintain peace and security in the valley.

These are a couple from the list. I haven’t found the comprehensive list yet.

People trying to move on with
routines inspite of the hindrances

Like any other concerned Nepali, I don’t know where these protests are going to lead us. But I know one thing for sure. It’s not leading us anywhere better than we are right now.

For once, it would be good if all the politicans and magical protagonists of the Nation, who dream of bringing a change and bet they can do it, could listen to their hollow words and their bogus lectures on the peace- making processes. These ethnic fights, the division of nation into states according to etnicity is not leading our Nation anywhere. I guess it’s easier to follow the bad and easy examples from around the world, and that’s what Nepal is heading to presently when it actually should be setting strong grounds for the future, New ( at least Old ) Nepal.

Silver Lining

To bring you up, when you are down

to make you smile, when things make you frown

to say "i can" when you are torn

to say " i will" against the mourn

you need hope, to build your hive

you need hope, to stay alive


I know it's dark, and all so cold

you're in the midst, unable to hold

you doubt your step, each step you take

the world's a lie, the promises fake

too deep is the water to take a dive

then, you need hope to stay alive


Locked up in the cobweb of hatred

dying for a breath, pure and sacred

hit so hard by the glory of life

left with you is no strenth to survive

to get it back,you've got to thrive

you need hope to stay alive...

Jandinau timi maya k ho unle bhane

timi hoina maya ma ta ma po pare

ek pal chuttina nasakne abhash ho yo

juni bhar saath paaune vishwas ho yo

nayan ma unke ramne eeksha pal pal ko

ek nazar paaye jeewan safal bho

nischal, nispap ra nirakar cha yo
unko ek muskaan ma nissar cha yo

jandinau timi maya k ho unle bhane
timi hoina maya ma ta ma po pare

jandina ma maya k ho maile bhane
bujhdina ma maya, maile swikar gare

na ek pal khushi ko abash cha yahan
na juni bhar saath paaune vishwas cha yahan

na timi chau, na timro aas nai cha
nayan bhar kewal timro pyas nai cha

mann aruko, timro tan aruko
timro aatma to kan kan aruko

taipani din raat timilai sochein
timilai khojein, timilai poojein

jandina ma maya k ho maile bhane
bujhdina ma maya maile swikar garein

Walking the walk...Talking the talk

While walking the walk and talking the talk
i opened my mind and let the thoughts crawl
we saw the dawn into a perfect morn'
the gleaming rays giving way to burning sun..

We talked about, his life and mine
of poems and signs, and lovely wine
of etiquttes so fine in the art of dine
of deepest fears and the longest years
of friends and foes through the highs and lows
the memories so sweet of home and more
took over us and made us sore

Such insane was the talk
over the bridge...and along the road...
Made us think why after all
it felt like spring during the fall

The war began of rationale minds
why after all we went along
Its then we could see the fall
With no more road for the walk....And silence taking over the talk..